Too Many Thoughts

Honestly, I am an emotional wreck tonight. So, I will try to keep this about my treatment because my thoughts are going in a thousand directions after meeting with my oncologist today, and if I tried to write them all out, they just wouldn’t make any sense. My doctor talked about chemotherapy, immunotherapy, and clinical trials, all aimed at giving me more time. We decided to try chemotherapy first. I will find out in two weeks if immunotherapy will be an option for me; my samples are just being sent out for testing now. So, I will have my port put in on Thursday. I hate ports. I was so happy to get rid of my last one; in hindsight, I should have kept it in. And I will start Chemo on Friday. I will have Chemo every other week unless I qualify for immunotherapy, in which case I will alternate immunotherapy and Chemo each week, having an infusion each week. If the Chemo can keep my cancer from growing and spreading, surgery may become an option in months to get rid of the three infected nodules. I am trying to sort through my thoughts on death, future plans and arrangements, whether I am making the right first step, whether I should try to get to Mayo for a clinical trial, how this is going to affect my husband and kids’ futures, heck, even if I will have time to finish a knitting project I am working on. As I said, my mind is going everywhere tonight. I am hoping that I can get a good night’s sleep and have a clearer mind tomorrow and just enjoy another day. Thanks for all the messages today. Sorry if I didn’t answer everyone today; I know you were waiting to hear how my appt. went. I am just drained tonight.