Happy New Year!
On New Year’s Eve, I hoped this year would bring me happiness, and I do hope it does, really, but I ended up in tears that night. I was a blubbering mess in front of my husband. I sobbed about how I was thinking all day about the coming year and what it would bring, if I would live through it, and what goals I had for the year and what I want to accomplish this year and in the time I have left. I thought about all the projects I have going right now that I want to complete this year. My greatest fear has become that I leave things unfinished. But, in the end, Tom and I decided this should be a good year for us, and it really made me focus on what I want to do and concentrate on this year, and how I want to spend the rest of my life. I want to live each day taking lots of self care and not getting overwhelmed or stressed or too busy with life to have a life. I have had enough stress, but I don’t need to be stressed. I want to take care of myself and do at least one thing a day that I enjoy doing and that I do for myself. I had my fit, I felt my feelings, and now I am feeling better and am excited about the year ahead, the years ahead, hopefully. It was just the calendar I hated that day, and the turn of a year, the turn of a decade. I hate seeing the days go so fast and flipping the calendar. I know how precious my time is. But right now, I am in the middle of some good treatment, treatment that is working, and I just need to live life without fear or anxiety until the next scan. I have decided that I have too many untold stories, so I want to concentrate and prioritize writing this year. I was looking through the church bulletin this past Sunday, and I saw a book by a parishioner being advertised on the back of the bulletin. Her name sounded familiar, and then I realized I have communicated with her by email a few times when I asked her to sub for me for Adoration. Turns out, she is best selling romance author Mary Blaney! I contacted her, and she offered to meet me for a meal and mentor me! So, I am really looking forward to it and to doing some more writing this year. I have a lot to look forward to this year, and I need to just concentrate on that. My word this year is “action.” Time to stop dreaming and start doing. And if I don’t make it through this year, I am going to go out having a great time and getting some things done, all the while taking care of me. And that is my goal for this year. I will think about next year, next year. One day at a time. One year at a time.