Scan #2

Well, I have a boring title today. Goes with my day. I don’t have much to say today, for once, in my post! Walter Reed days are always long and tiring. I am not really feeling anything today — no scanxiety, and I’m not really anxious about finding out results yet. I know it will be a long weekend of waiting and wondering. And I know I will be checking my patient portal like crazy early next week to see if my results come before my doctor appt. next Wed., as they usually do. I like getting them ahead of my appt. so I can go into my appt. having already processed what the scans show and so that I’m more prepared with questions or for any discussion instead of sitting in the doctor’s office being shocked by results, either good or bad.

I’m not really thinking of cancer today — easier to do now that I don’t feel any side effects from the immunotherapy like I did with the chemo. Walter Reed was the busiest I’ve ever seen it today, for some reason. So, I just went in, drank the liquid, which they said was going to taste like water and didn’t — bleh — (They used to have it mixed with Crystal Light, which I like.), waited forever for a prescription (used the time to design Tom’s retirement chest gift thingy), went in and had a really quick scan, and that was it. A friend had texted me this morning to tell me to have a zen, peaceful scan, and I was all prepared to go in there calm as could be, trying to will these lesions away, but it went so fast, I didn’t have time to relax. They didn’t tell me to shut my eyes at first like they usually do, and so I was staring into this bright blue light, thinking how neat it was that it kind of formed a cross (thought maybe it was a sign from my grandpa or my aunts), and then I read the sticker below it: Do NOT look directly into the light. Oops. But I was hoping my grandpa and my aunts were with me in that machine today. I am soooooo hoping that this cancer has not grown or spread.

While I have not been thinking about cancer, I have been thinking about the things in the saying above this week. I’ve been thinking about some of the best memories of my life — living in Key West, a month in Cartagena, Colombia, swimming with the dolphins in the Keys, snorkeling with the manatees in the Crystal River, moving to Newport News after college and living in the Harbours, where I met Will and Steve and Renata and Tom, running 5 miles a day around the Mariner’s Museum trail with Renata, Christmases with my family and all my cousins, etc. I have been thinking of all my dreams before me — and I am working on them, finally!! And around me, all who love me — I got texts and messages from so many of you this morning praying for a good scan for me that it is overwhelming and amazing. I know everyone’s support is just as important in this fight as it is for me to stay positive. Finally, within me … all I need. I felt like I had all I needed in me today at this scan to get another good result. I feel good that I have at least done everything I can do to give it my best shot — I’m staying positive, or at least trying to, I’m exercising, trying to hydrate more, eating well, and resting when I need to. And the self-care — still doing that, and I think I’ve found a good balance now between living and taking time for myself each day.

And …I got a call from Walter Reed yesterday. My nurse nominated me and my family for a long weekend respite opportunity in Disney World in May! It would be an incredible gift from the USO-Metro. I am not telling my kids about it until it’s official, so don’t say anything to them if you talk to them! My kids have been talking about wanting to go back to Orlando on a family trip for a while now. We have only taken one family vacation in the past 12 years, just the five of us, that we’ve had the kids. We went to Boston (my favorite city!) for a week, and Tom was working, so it technically wasn’t a family trip, but it was the only time the five of us have been anywhere away together. We’ve had a rough few years with my cancer, the infection that almost killed me!, then Tom’s cancer, then the puppy’s cancer, then mine again, so the kids have all been asking to go on a family vacation. I think it’d be just what the doctor ordered, so I’m really hoping it works out. I’ll keep you posted. And I’ll post about my results as soon as I get them. Until then, I will be wearing out my login on the patient portal!!! UGH!!!!!!