Facing My Fears

I had a pretty good week. I am starting to get used to the new normal in the house, the kids are back in school online, and we’re starting to establish some routine. I haven’t had much time to think about cancer, and, again, I am more preoccupied with and more worried about getting the Corona. I have spent all week worrying about myself and my friends and family. Worrying runs in my family! I feel much better after meeting with my doctor before Chemo today. She said that since my cancer is breast cancer and not lung cancer and since my cancer is small, my chances of fighting the Corona are better. That makes me feel much better. There’s that hope word again. I also feel better because we have a plan. We decided that I will stay on Chemo (the lower dose) for the rest of my life or until it stops working or the side effects, particularly neuropathy, become too much.

The past two weeks, I just had that one bad weekend day of nausea and aching and fatigue, and since then, absolutely no side effects!! We ended up watching I Still Believe about the gospel singer whose wife has cancer (won’t spoil the ending!). We watched it as a family, even though Peter didn’t want to watch it, knowing what it was about. It was hard for me and for Tom; we were both in tears by the end of the movie, and neither of us could talk for a while after. But the kids did great with it — better than we did! I am glad they watched it and that we watched it as a family. I wished we could have had a conversation about it afterward, but I just needed to be alone for a while and couldn’t talk through the tears.

I have been obsessed with trying new things and projects. I don’t know if I am trying to work through my bucket list or if I feel like I just can’t die until I finish all my projects, so I keep taking on new projects?? Our first Italian lesson was great. We will take them weekly now. And I ordered my first box of Hunt a Killer, and now I am addicted! I have plenty to keep me busy throughout the coronavirus and throughout the rest of my cancer journey!

Well, I will update again next week. My chemo machine is beeping and telling me I am done! Refueled for another week! Stay safe, everyone!