Honestly Speaking

Last night, my teenage son, the one who has had the most concerns about and the hardest time dealing with my cancer both the last time and this time, had a talk with my husband about some issues relating to my cancer. I felt it was time to be honest with my children. I have had a hard time knowing whether or not to be fully truthful with my kids about the reality of my cancer this time. I tend, myself, to want information because then I can process and deal with it, so I have wanted to be honest with my kids, but I want to protect them, as well, when we really don’t know what the future holds. I have talked to people about whether or not to tell my kids details about my cancer. Some people say I definitely should not, and some people say I definitely should. Until now, I have not felt like I need to tell them the reality of the situation, but today, I knew it was time. I asked all three of my kids, separately, whether or not they wanted to know more about my cancer. My daughter said she definitely does not want to know anything. She doesn’t like it when anyone talks about it around here, and she won’t talk to me about it. My two sons said that they definitely wanted, and needed, to know more. I let them ask me questions, and then I told them that if I remain on this regimen, I probably have a year and a half to two years left but that there are miracles, that everyone’s cancer is different, that my regimen might change from time to time and that my cancer could come and go or stay the same for a very long time, so we can’t give up hope and that I will keep fighting. I told them that I will have a scan on December 9th that will tell me whether or not this regimen is “working” and that I would let them know the results of that scan and what my doctor says. They seemed very relieved. I know they may not have been relieved with the information, but they were relieved to have the information, to have the truth. In the end, I decided that I need to model honesty with them, and I strongly feel that you have to have honesty to have a relationship. My kids and I are still building relationships, so I felt this was important to do. And I think kids can handle things more than we give them credit for sometimes. All I know is that my boys have been smiling tonight for the first time in a long time. And I know I will talk to my daughter … in her time.