Sick and Tired

Yesterday was the sickest I have felt after Chemo. It was a rough day. I just felt weak all day, and I threw up at least 20 times. I felt like I had the flu. I am having a really hard time remembering that I just need to lay around for a couple days after Chemo. It is so hard to do when I feel good and when I have things to get done. I see my husband running around on the weekends trying to catch up on things, and I want to help out. So, I decided to at least put my Halloween decorations away and get my Thanksgiving decorations out, and it was too much, and I ended up sick, spending the rest of the day on the couch again with my sister and my dogs watching MORE Hallmark movies. The new Christmas movies are out, so that is nice. No more repeats! I realized yesterday that I am so determined to keep having good days that I just don’t want to accept that there are going to be bad days, that with Chemo, there WILL be bad days. It makes me realize that my mind is in the fight, but my body has to take a few punches. I get sooo frustrated with bad days, and each week, I seem to be surprised by them, or blindsided, even though they happen for a couple of days after Chemo each time. Think I need to practice more mindfulness on these days so that I don’t feel so guilty for taking two days a week to let my body rest while I have the responsibilities of taking care of my family. Cancer is not just a physical battle, it is really a battle in your head sometimes, too. Going to try to do some things today and take little rests in between. Hope today is better, and each day should just get better and better as I have this week off of chemo before I start Cycle 4, after which I will have my first scan.