Changes in Attitude

I have to admit that I haven’t been too optimistic or hopeful or positive so far early in this fight. In fact, I have been having thoughts and feelings completely opposite of how I felt during my first fight when I was faithful and hopeful and positive. Compound this with frustration over how long this is taking to get answers and started on treatment, I have been in a worried funk since first learning I have malignancies in my lung. It is not how I want to be feeling or acting or dealing with it. This whole thing took me by surprise this time — I thought I had beaten it. I started to question if I hadn’t really fully appreciated a second chance, if I had taken life for granted, if I hadn’t exercised enough or eaten healthy enough, if I were being punished for something, or if God wanted me to come home. I felt like I shouln’t fight it if God were calling me. But my aunt just sent me a book about a woman who beat metastatic liver cancer … without treatment. Her doctors wrote about how attitude can affect healing — a person’s positive attitude in fighting can literally change white blood cell counts in the body and can actually activate a defense the body normally has against disease, against cancer, in particular. I honestly believe I won my first battle with cancer because of my faith and a positive attitude. I need to draw on those things again. So, today, after reading the book from my aunt in one sitting, I am feeling strong and hopeful. Sorry for the negative tone of my first blog posts; I am just thankful my aunt’s book arrived when it did — at the beginning of this journey, right when I needed it.