Friends Forever

I have several friends and cousins who will be visiting me in the next few months. I am so excited about these visits, and I am so grateful. Cristina was my first visitor, and while I was so excited to see her and spend time with her and enjoyed every minute of her visit, I was a little apprehensive and not quite myself at first. I tended to avoid the hard stuff, like how I wanted to tell her about what I was going through and how I was going to tell her everything I wanted to tell her in case this were the last time I would see her. Goodbye was hard for me. My friendships and relationships are the things I treasure most in life, and they are the things I am most afraid of losing. We went through all of our old photos and took a lot of new ones. I spent a lot of time remembering times and places we shared and looking back at all the things we did. I have had a good life. I was lucky enough to have had a great group of friends since elementary, junior and senior high, who I have remained close friends with throughout my life. It is hard to make friends when you are older and in the military (more about that when my friend Michele visits in October!), and I have valued my early friendships where time and distance don’t matter, and you can catch up right where you left off. I know I am supposed to be living in the present, but it was sure great looking back on the memories Cristina and I have made. She has been there through the ups and downs of life with me, and I really value our friendship and her visit. We laughed and did some crying the night before she left. The ups and downs of metastatic cancer have started, and they have only just begun.

After Cristina left today😢😭, I was really tired. I laid around, in and out of sleep, the whole day. Sundays after Chemo are usually my worst symptom days. After starting the new drug/immunotherapy, I am tired and nauseated like usual, and I have started to get some joint pain in my jaw and my fingers. Today, I feel tired and weak, as if I have the flu. My legs are in a lot of pain, muscle pain, I am guessing. Wondering if this is myalgia, which I have read you can get when on the Chemo I am on. Will have to talk to my doctor next visit. I just hope today is the worst day and that I am feeling a bit better tomorrow since I have a lot to get done.

My hair is still there, and my ponytail is getting smaller by the day. Every day, I say I am going to shave it off, but I just can’t seem to do it yet.