What is MBC?
Today is Metastatic Breast Cancer Awareness Day. To me, it’s more important of an awareness day than even Breast Cancer Awareness MONTH. Because there isn’t much awareness about Metastatic Breast Cancer. I, for sure, didn’t even know what it was until I was diagnosed with breast cancer, and it has been hard for me to explain to my family and friends. People keep asking me when I am going to be done with chemo or done with treatment. My dad asked me every time I called him for a while after my diagnosis when I was going to be done with treatment. It was really hard for me to tell him that I’ll never be done with treatment, that it is the only thing prolonging my life, and that I’ll be on it for the rest of my life. My port flipped early into treatment, and one of the doctors came to check it out. He asked me how long I’d need my port. I couldn’t even get the words “for the rest of my life” out of my mouth. I just said “for a very long time (hopefully).” It’s hard to explain to people when people in the medical field don’t even always know about MBC or what it’s really all about.
When I was first diagnosed with Stage Two triple negative breast cancer on April 28, 2015 (a date that will forever be ingrained in my head, even though I’m not good with dates), I spent four hours with my oncologist at my first appointment with him learning all about breast cancer. He started with the very scientific basics, and in that four hours, I learned more about breast cancer than I ever wanted to learn. But I am so grateful for that detailed explanation, for the time he spent with me informing me about everything. My head hurt after that visit. I called my mom afterward because Tom was working that night and couldn’t go with me to the appointment, and she remembers being able to tell how much my head was spinning with all the new information.
And now that I have Metastatic Breast Cancer, I have learned so much more. It’s an entirely different ballgame this time. Living with it is something you almost have to go through to to understand. It’s really hard to explain how you’re living, but you’re caught somewhere between life and death. You’re no longer living the same way. Metastatic breast cancer is living and trying not to think about it but not being able to NOT think about it. You live more, you appreciate more, you live more fully and no longer sweat the small stuff and get upset when other people do. You go through the different stages of grief, and you want so badly for people to understand and stop telling you that you got this while wanting to believe that more than anything and holding onto hope because it’s the only thing you have. It’s so physical and so mental. It’s worrying about yourself and worrying more about those you will leave behind. It’s about living one day at a time while trying not to “go there.” And as I make a bunch of lifestyle changes as I try to fight this cancer better, I realize that having metastatic breast cancer is making a lifestyle change. And you have to work at it, and you have to try to stay positive to live this new life, and the struggle is real for many, day after day, while being grateful for each day. So, on this Metastatic Breast Cancer Awareness Day, I encourage you to learn more about Metastatic Breast Cancer because it suddenly becomes important to know about it when it touches your life or that of someone you love. We need more awareness when it comes to Metastatic Breast Cancer because it is what is taking the most lives from breast cancer. Some METS patients get angry at all the pink awareness this month, but look how far breast cancer treatment has come! I am so grateful and thankful … and hopeful that the more people learn about METS, the more treatments that will come from it. And my greatest hope is that it will happen during my lifetime. But if it doesn’t, my next greatest hope is that it will happen in my daughter’s lifetime. So, that’s what Metastatic Breast Cancer Awareness Day means to me, someone who can tell you from personal experience what it is like to live with Metastatic Breast Cancer.
It is a bit ironic to me that I woke up on Metastatic Breast Cancer Awareness Day to feel a solid, hard lump on the back of my head. It hurts to the touch. And I know that a lump that doesn’t move and hurts isn’t the good kind. I know that a cyst moves and doesn’t hurt. That’s why I made my appt. to get my original breast cancer lump checked out. I am hoping this is a cyst or an enlarged lymph node (on my head??), but I am glad I will be seeing my oncologist in person on Thursday, and I will have him check it out. I am worried about it since Tom can feel it, too, but I do not have to worry about it TODAY, so I’m trying hard not to think about it or worry about it until I have to. I will keep you updated on it.
I felt awful for two days again after my bone strengthener after this past treatment. I feel like I have the flu, and every muscle and joint in my body hurts/aches when I get Zometa. I would much rather have chemo than radiation or a bone strengthener! That darned Zometa takes me down! Tom had an appt. with our oncologist, and he mentioned how hard it hits me to the doctor, and my doctor said he can give me something ahead of getting the bone strengthener to make it easier on me, so I will talk to the doctor about that on Thursday too.
I am looking forward to seeing my oncologist again because I haven’t seen him in person because of covid and so that he can look at this lump on the back of my head. I’ll update you on how the visit and my treatment go on Thursday! Stay safe and healthy, everyone!