Signs All Around Us
This morning, I was looking at some pictures I had taken yesterday, and an image appeared that I did not take a picture of. It was a saying that read God is Love. Weird, right? No clue how it got on my camera roll and was the last photo in the collection. Similarly, I like to believe cardinals are signs from our lost loved ones, cardinals like the one in the ornament image above. Cardinals are the most prominent bird in our trees at home. Birds used to scare the heck out of me, but I have gotten used to these cardinals in all our branches. One morning a while back, I drove down our driveway, and a huge flock of cardinals flew out of the tree in our front yard. It was stunningly beautiful, and I like to think it was a sign from my grandpa. So, when I came across this ornament, I knew I had to get three of them, one for each of my kids. I have given each of my three kids an ornament for their Christmas trees every Christmas since they were adopted. I try to get something to remind them of something they did or were interested in that year. I am going to have my mom or sister give my kids the ornament above the Christmas after I am gone to complete their collections.
Aside from feeling nostalgic lately, as I usually am once the fall rolls around and Christmas is around the corner, I am feeling really good. Neuropathy is gone now that I have Chemo every other week. In fact, the only side effect I am having is fatigue. I wear out every afternoon and throughout the evening. I can usually only manage to get one thing done a day as I am only productive in the mornings, it seems. I am getting really frustrated by this, and I know I will be more and more frustrated by it as I get heavier into this battle. I try keeping up with everything and everyone, and I just can’t do it. My energy and motivation is low. I look good, I feel good, and I feel like people expect me to keep up with everything. But then I realize that my body needs rest sometimes, and I am probably more bothered by my not getting much accomplished than anyone around me is. I have always put a lot of pressure and expectations/responsibility on myself and am my own worst enemy sometimes. I really need to, as one nurse told me, give myself permission to rest. But I have things to do!!
Anyway, that’s what is going on with me mentally this week. Physically, I met with my doctor in person this morning. It was good to see him. He’s such a nice guy. It was a quick visit as everything is going well. I did mention my lump on the back of my head to him, and he looked at it and felt it and said it could be something, or it could be nothing. He said Chemo can sometimes cause benign growths. So, since it is small, we will keep an eye on it until I talk to him again in a month. If it gets bigger, we will need to biopsy it and get a PET scan sooner than my next scan in December.
Well, my Chemo is running, and I have my Starbucks in hand. Going to just sit and relax and browse around the Internet for the next hour. Have a good week everyone, and I will try to write again next Thursday, my week off Chemo/immunotherapy! Stay safe, and stay healthy.