Back to Life, Back to Reality
I had a doctor appointment yesterday, and it was the first time I had seen my oncologist in person since Covid. I just feel more reassured seeing the doctor in person. He said everything looks good, and he said, “Go live your life.” And that’s exactly what I’m going to do till my next scan in December! I am not going to worry, and I’m going to try not to think about cancer till then.
I am looking forward to watching Shannen Doherty on Kelly today. I saw a promo in which she says that she’s going to be the longest living person with metastatic breast cancer. I hate to tell her, but she’s going to have competition for that! I have that goal, too, so we’re on! I’m so happy she’s doing so well, and it will be interesting, and inspiring, I’m sure, to hear what she has to say.
This is going to be a great three months for me until my next scan. The holidays are coming up, and I love the holidays, and I am starting my Wednesday night writing class with Bryn Donovan next week. I can’t even tell you how excited I am for this class! I’m going to learn from the best! I’m just so inspired lately to go forward with my goals even though I know things could change every few months when I have scans. I have never felt more alive and motivated and sure of what I want to do than I have the past couple of months. Metastatic cancer has finally become a wake up call for me. I was trying to figure things out for a long time (two years) — how I want to spend the rest of my life, what I want to do and accomplish, what I really want to focus on in life — and the past couple of months, things have become crystal clear for me — people and my passion and all the little things in life, which truly are the big things.
I attended the support group for advanced cancer. There were only four of us in the group, so it was a little uncomfortable for me. The ladies were all nice, knowledgeable, and positive people, but I’m not quite sure I want cancer on my mind twice a month for an hour and a half. I just don’t know how I feel about a support group yet.
It’s Breast Cancer Awareness Month, and while there are those who hate all the pink, I love it. I love the awareness it brings. Tom and I did the local breast cancer run/walk with Tom’s company’s team, which was an event sponsor. We had a great time, and the weather was absolutely gorgeous. The path ran along the water, and it couldn’t have been nicer.
I almost have to laugh because now there is a shortage of my chemo drug. What are the odds that I was going to stress about the unavailability of both my chemo and immunotherapy?! UGH!!!!! I felt better after talking to my doctor about it because he said he thinks the issue will be resolved quickly. Sure hope so because I am way more nervous about missing my chemo than the immunotherapy, and I was worried about that!
The only other thing cancer-related that’s been going on lately is that my fingernails have become awful. They are getting dents in the middle of them, and they are getting ridges and are getting very frail. They tear and split easily. I have to keep them short now, and I have to keep them painted for strength. My surgeon once said that radiation is the gift that keeps giving, and that is so true. It’s also true of chemo. After two and a half years on it, now I am having problems with my nails. Not a biggie, but it’s just one more physical thing that cancer takes away and makes me feel unlike myself. I’m alive, so I’m not going to complain, but with half my eyebrows, short hair and brittle nails, it just wreaks havoc on a woman’s self esteem. I also find it impossible to open tabs on cans or do things that require fingernails. Just something to get used to! Blah.
Well, since my scans aren’t till December yet, I am going to do what my doctor says and go live my life! I’ll update again from chemo next Wednesday. Stay safe and healthy, everyone!