Truth.

I am finally feeling back to normal after chemo this week. It’s been a long, frustrating six days. I had forgotten that I was getting the bone strengthener at chemo last week. I get it every three months. And the truth? I hate it. I know it’s important, and I’ll be thankful for it someday, but right now, I just hate it. It’s worse than chemo, and it’s worse than radiation. It knocks me down for three days. It’s like getting the reaction I get from the covid shot and boosters. Every muscle and joint in my body aches, and I just want to lay on the couch all day and try not to move a muscle. I get really frustrated when I can’t do something I want to be doing. I’m going to have a real problem with that if and when this cancer comes back and progresses. So, I think I am going to talk to my oncologist about the bone strengthener. I meet with him on Thursday. He mentioned that there is another bone strengthener I can try. And I’ve tried to give this Zometa a chance, but I think I’m ready to give the other one a try.

I was really frustrated that I was doing so well with exercise, and I haven’t been able to for the past six days. My knees are hurting again, probably from not moving too much, so I’m anxious to go for a couple of walks today to try to get moving again. I had a lot of nausea this time after chemo, too, which is weird for me. I usually have it a little for a few days after, but it’s not as bad as it was this time. Weird. I’m just glad I am feeling better today — lots to do!

My scan is on Monday. I’m still feeling pretty relaxed about it. It will be what it will be, and I will deal with it. I was pretty anxious about how I might react if it is bad news since I’ve heard once the cancer comes back, it tends to be pretty aggressive. I feel like it might be the beginning of the end when it comes back. But I talked with my counselor about how Tom and I always make a plan when something changes, and we always handle things one step at a time, focusing on just that step. So, I felt better, like I can handle the news, just like we always have, even if something shows up on my scan.

I will meet with my oncologist on Thursday. So, I’ll let you know the results of my scan and whatever I learn at my doctor appt. this week. I like to use my blog to process my thoughts right away after a scan. Hopefully, everything will come back clear again, and I will be able to relax through the summer. It’s weird to think that the next time I’ll have a scan, if everything comes back clear on this scan, will probably be after we take my daughter to college! Time is moving so fast! She’ll be done with high school in just two weeks! Then, my mom and sister will be coming at the end of May for her graduation. I will have made it to her graduation, and that was really important to me. I really wanted my kids to be on their own when I die. I wanted to know that they can handle life on their own, when I won’t be there for them anymore. I am really thankful, grateful and blessed as I know a lot of young moms with cancer don’t get that opportunity.

We will have lots to celebrate in June — my daughter’s graduation, my birthday one day later, and our 21st (I think?!) wedding anniversary. I hope my scan results on Monday are another reason to celebrate! I’ll keep you posted!

Stay safe and healthy, everyone!