Shannen Doherty, Rest in Peace
This is a day I have been dreading. Shannen Doherty died from her cancer. To me, and to many others fighting this disease, she was hope. She was a positive fighter and inspiring to so many cancer patients on this journey. Although I never knew her, I identified with her, and I will miss her. She was diagnosed with breast cancer the same year as I was. Then, we became survivors, until our breast cancers both metastasized in the same year. We were on the same timeline, and I always thought that if she were still alive, I could continue surviving, too.
Yesterday, I was so happy as I told my husband and my boys that this month marks my five-year anniversary of surviving metastatic cancer. If you had told me I was going to live to see this when I was first diagnosed with metastatic cancer and given a year to live, I may have laughed … or cried. Back then, the odds were not good. But more and more people are surviving longer with metastatic breast cancer, thanks to new treatments. We are learning about the effects of long-term treatment as we go. We are learning about long-term metastatic patients’ needs and concerns, feelings and fears as we go.
But then, I saw the news this morning that Shannen had died. I realized, once again, that this disease is unpredictable and can take over again, anytime, anywhere. I am not in control. I have started to live life again. I took my son to the airport last night, and I walked pretty fast, trying to keep up with my long-legged son and my husband, and then I took the parking garage stairs up two flights. I was not winded at the top. I couldn’t believe it. I have been enjoying living and feeling so good. I have so much energy back, I feel like I have been given a second chance at life. I have begun to think that I have been given a miracle, and I have started planning a future again. But there’s always something or some dark voice in the back of my head reminding me that this is a terminal diagnosis. I thought Shannen was going to beat this, that we were going to beat this. And now she’s gone. And I can’t help but wonder if my time is coming soon, too. I have such conflicted feelings of being immensely blessed by still being here for some reason and yet feeling a pretty hefty amount of survivor’s guilt.
So, I am going to keep blogging about my journey, even though I’ve thought lately about letting my blog go until my cancer comes back again. I hope I can give others a sense of hope. I am still here. I may not know why, but I am still living with this terminal disease. It has been five years since my diagnosis of metastatic breast cancer, and I AM STILL HERE. I am still learning from this terminal disease. And I’m going to keep living, loving and sharing for whatever time I have left.
Up next for me: Labs and a port flush on August 7; a week later, on Aug. 14, a visit with my oncologist. Will keep you posted!
Stay safe and healthy, everyone!
RIP Shannen Doherty.