So. Stinkin'. Tired.

I am writing a day early because I will be busy cleaning on my day off of chemo tomorrow in preparation for my friends’ visit and my mom’s arrival on Saturday. My mom sent me a sweatshirt that reads “Nap Queen.” That is SO me this week. I slept through practically the entire day on Monday, and I slept through the night. For the rest of this week, I have been taking naps on and off, and during my awake time, I am very, very tired and get tired easily/wiped out after doing one thing. It is rather frustrating to me. I can’t keep up with my sister, who has been amazing, doing all my housework and running to get my kids places. And I won’t be able to keep up with my mom, who is like the Energizer bunny, when she comes next week. I get jealous of their energy, and it depresses me a little. I have to remember that fatigue is the main symptom I have from chemo, so I need to just go with it. It’s just hard when I have things I need and want to do. I have so many projects going, and I feel time pressure now to get everything I want to get done. I don’t want to leave any projects unfinished. Tom reminded me last night that I am in my fourth cycle of chemo, so it’s no wonder I am getting more and more tired. It hit me that my entire chemotherapy lasted 15 weeks last time I had cancer, and now I am on my 16th week. I lost my taste buds and had numbness and tingling in my fingers and toes this week, but I think it has disappeared now. I know I should be thankful that I still can do things, just slower and with breaks, and I wonder what it will be like when I can’t do that anymore. For me, this is the worst part of cancer — the fatigue and lack of energy. It’s my own personal battle. Right now, I am thankful for a week off of chemo, and it comes at perfect timing, again, when my mom and friends are here. I am really looking forward to this weekend, and then I will have my scan on Monday. Right now, I am feeling pretty good going into the scan. It’s just weird when you have a 50/50 chance of a good result, and it could go either way. So, I am preparing for whatever the outcome, and I’m glad my mom and sister will be here for the results. Tom and I have a date night the night of my doctor appt., so either way it goes, it will be good to be out with Tom. We’ll either be celebrating or discussing options over wine tasting and a walk through the lights at the gardens. So, I have a lot to look forward to this week and am just going to enjoy each day. I will try to blog after my scan on Monday and will definitely blog once I have met with my doctor on Thursday and when I receive my results.