The Waiting is the Worst

I have never been one much for numbers and statistics. I am more of an ideas, walk by faith kind of girl. But the statistics concerning metastatic breast cancer survival are all I can think about lately as I wait to find out if I have it or lung cancer. The majority of metastatic breast cancer patients live three years beyond their diagnosis, and 20 percent make it to five years. I only had a thirty percent chance of getting breast cancer, according to my family history, yet I got it. I believe that faith, attitude, prayers and people’s individual cancers have a lot to do with their outcomes. But I feel like I can’t ignore the statistics, and I have to start preparing myself and my family for the worst. Time – that thing I will always want more of – became precious to me after breast cancer and has suddenly become even more important. If it were up to me, I might deny treatment and just enjoy what time I have left. But I have a family and pets who need me, so I am going to fight for as long as I can. If I have metastatic breast cancer, I will be fighting and in treatment for the rest of my life. My normal life may be over in just a few weeks, and treatment will start. I am trying to enjoy each day of normalcy, but my nerves and anxiety are high. I am anxious to begin treatment, yet I don’t want it to begin. The waiting is the worst.