This is Life
It’s a really dark, dreary day here, and I don’t really feel like writing, but it’s been a while, and I’ve had a scan and some bloodwork done and had an oncology visit this past week, so I’d better post an update before my news is no longer newsworthy! First, I had some bloodwork done in the past couple of weeks. I was anxious for the results because I really wanted my cancer markers to be low so I could go to Italy without worrying about cancer. My cancer markers were, indeed, low, and not only that, but all my results were within range! I had a chest CT scan coming up to check for any more pulmonary embolisms and cancer. My embolisms have been absorbed back into my body with no evidence of them in my lungs! I felt pretty confident going into my scan since my cancer markers were low, so I got kind of a surprise in my results. I have two 3 mm lesions that are stable. I’m not really sure when they appeared on my scan. I’m not sure if they’re my original lesions or if they appeared at some point but weren’t mentioned on my report/s because they’re so small? Maybe the findings and results got lost in my transition to the new oncology clinic?? It just made me wonder 1) when they initially appeared, and 2) how big (or small) were my lesions when they were biopsied when I was first diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer? Should these be biopsied to catch them early again? Or are they too small to be biopsied? I didn’t ask these questions at my oncology visit because I met with my doctor’s PA for the first time. She was running two hours behind because of a couple of things, no fault of her own, and I didn’t want to slow her down. Besides, I could probably go back in my paper chart and try to find the answers. But then, I thought why? The lesions are there, there’s nothing I can do about that, and we don’t know if they’re cancerous or not. They’re stable and have been stable for at least the last two scans my most recent CT scan was compared to, so I’m good. I have all good news. The two lesions make me nervous simply because they’re there and can grow at any time. But this is where I feel like I have some control over my cancer. I’m going to try to exercise daily and do all the things I believe can help cancer stay at bay with No. 1 being having a POSITIVE ATTITUDE, faith and trust, and living like I don’t even have cancer – which, right now, I don’t. (Insert prayer hands here.) It’s weird to have metastatic cancer even when I don’t have cancer in my body right now. I’m in remission. It just is odd to think that I still have it, even when I don’t, since it’s terminal. I’ve always tried hard not to think about that, and I’d like to think that it has something to do with being able to fend off my cancer for five years. But I know, truly, that medicine and God are the only real reasons I have been able to survive for five years past my diagnosis. My next full-body PET scan will be in November. I’ll meet with my oncologist again to go over the results just before Thanksgiving. Oh, and in my online support groups, people are saying that Tecentriq is no longer available as a treatment option in the United States. I always felt confident that I could just go back to my medication that has worked so well for me if and when my cancer comes back, but maybe I can’t now? I know there are different treatments now that have been successful, but I liked mine because I didn’t really have side effects other than a little nausea and a lot of fatigue. Maybe I could go back on it as a continuance of care because it was working for me, but I don’t even know if it is still available to go back on if my cancer comes back? Anyway, I don’t have to think about that now, so I won’t! Right now, I just need to concentrate on living, one day at a time, with gratitude and joy. Stay safe and healthy, everyone!